Home sweet mother fuckin' home!

I am being discharged tomorrow.  That is the good news.  The bad news is I have to return Wednesday of next week for another several weeks of treatment.  I am going to spend the next couple of days snuggling tight with my dogs, dyeing my hair, listening to rock and roll music so loud it's going to make my ears bleed, eating real food... screaming, laughing and dancing best to the ability of my shitty lung capacity.

I spoke to the lung transplant team today.  I am not a candidate for transplant.  My file has been given a huge red DENIED stamp.  I sort of knew that's what I would be told, full well knowing my kidneys are too poor to endure the transplant and the ensuing medications (the little fuckers).  Though it was half expected it still stung like a million bee stings and I still sobbed hysterically.  

So now the question is if I don't have a miraculous transplant recovery from this disease to look forward to, what now?  My lungs are rotting away at an alarming rate.  I've wrapped up three weeks of antibiotics and aggressive therapy with even cloudier chest films and more pain.  I cough up blood every day.   I tried escaping the cannula to shower earlier this week and found my sats on room air to be 73% afterward.  This was so fucking disheartening.  

How am I going to do this?  Two days ago I had an epiphany while riding the elevator to the ground floor.  The transplant scenario played out in my head and for the first time in months I had a glimmer of hope regarding my breath.  I thought, I can tough this out with the hope of transplant.  The hope of that elusive and deliciously indulgent "first breath" I've heard so many post-transplant talk about.  The hope of replacing these calcified airbags with lungs stolen from an accident prone nonmutant.  Just as fast as I came to not only accept, but get excited about,the idea of completely foreign lungs in my body, it was whisked away by a nurse I'd never met before who awkwardly patted my forearm while I cried.  Then she had the audacity to as if I wanted the notebook full of transplant information.  Needless to say it's in the trash.  I asked her to throw it away on her way out.  

The next couple of days will be a welcome break.  I am going to assess my current situation and try to realistically figure out what I want to do.  I can take this.  I know I can.  It's all in how I choose to react to the situation.  Today I hid under the covers and played dead but something tells me I'm not going to continue to live my cystic life with the coarse wool hospital issue blanket over my eyes.  

"When we breathe, we hope."  --Barack Obama, November 5th, 2008 

Pregnant teenagers, Alaska's foreign policies, life.

Sorry to have dropped the ball on DNC blogging.  My kidneys failed and I needed to take care of my health versus run around town.  Interestingly, most of the local people I talked to about the DNC were more excited about all the partying they did than the history that was made.  Kind of sad.

http://www.imeem.com/manifesthope

This week has been Bulleit, Michael Gira, work and slumming it.  I am attending the TriMedia Film Festival in Fort Fun this weekend to support a brilliant film-making friend.  I'm looking forward to seeing Coyote.   Anyone going to be there?  Hit me up.  Perhaps we could grab a drink.  

Wednesday DNC

--Barack Obama shows up during Joe Biden's speech, after telling everyone he wouldn't be in Denver until tomorrow.

--Rage Against the Machine plays a free show at the Denver Coliseum, as presented by veterans of the Iraq war who are against the war.  The show is wrapped up with a peace march from the Coliseum to the Convention center, lead by military personnel in their uniforms.  It was a powerful message that I hope is being heard by people world-wide.  

--Andenken Gallery's show hits it's plateau this evening with a free show at 30th and Larimer featuring the Silversun Pickups and a few other big groups.  Didn't go, but heard it was awesome.

--Again, for you starfuckers:  Apparently an Angelina Jolie sighting or two around town (I still have no idea if she is actually here) and Alan Cumming and Anne Hathaway spend some hours last night at local douchebag hangout Rockbar on Colfax.  So not rock, despite having booked a full night with Scarlett Johansson and her homies this week.   

--I got stuck in insane traffic near the convention center.  Lots of street vendors, a crazy amount of people and of course, lots of politicians.

000 no links tonight, sorry 000

DJ Obama Run DNC

--Stencil artist Shepard Fairey (of OBEY fame) was arrested last night bombing in the downtown area while being filmed for a documentary.  The artist and film crew were arrested, booked and released earlier today.

--The Manifest Hope show at the Andenken Gallery is completely mind-blowing.  Inspired by Barack Obama, there are many pieces from internationally known artists of many different medias and genres.  It was inspiring and beautiful.  The new Andenken space is amazing.

--Young protesters chant FUCK FOX NEWS repeatedly during live news feed.  On-the-scene anchor makes a complete jackass of himself by admitting his confusion that not all Democrats supported Obama and later, by yelling, "Don't you believe in freedom?!"

--Michelle Obama makes an "inspiring and spirited" speech at local church.  I don't get invited, but get stuck in the traffic from it anyway.

--Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi loses her shit.  

--Anarcho-crusty punks get tear-gassed by DPD and arrested by the dumpster full at Civic Center Park last night. Kids were handcuffed to trees while cop busses made their way to pick them up.  The prisoners were likely disappointed with the jail standard bologna sandwich, warm carton of milk and waxy apple served for dinner.  

--Huge presence of pigs and protesters alike.  So far I have seen anti-abortionists, Communist party members, Anarchists, Hippies...

--And for you starfuckers...  Danny Glover, Kal Penn, Cyndi Lauper, Spike Lee, Alan Cumming, Susan Sarandon, Daryl Hannah, Oprah Winfrey, Scarlet Johannson and many other super famous prettier-than-us people are in town to support the Democratic party.  

--Right-to-lifers pull idiotic stunt in Jefferson County this morning.  I would likely approve if they started adopting American kids and paying the medical bills of the pregnant and poor.  Or, the men magically grow ovaries.  

More to come soon.